Are you a Proverbs 21 Woman or a Proverbs 31 Woman- Christian Marriage Blog DevotionEveryone wants to be a Proverbs 31 woman…but do your day-to-day seems more like a Proverbs 21 woman?

(I bet here’s where you’re thinking: Was that a typo? Don’t you mean Proverbs 31?)

What, you’ve never heard of the Proverbs 21 woman? Let me explain!

You’ll relate! (I do.)

The Biblical Book of Proverbs has LOTS to say about what a Godly woman looks like. And a few examples of what she doesn’t look like. Proverbs 21 has a couple of kinda harsh things to say about this kind of woman.

Here’s what I mean by a Proverbs 21 woman:

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. Proverbs 21:9


It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. Proverbs 21:19

Yeesh! Who needs counseling here, the wife or the husband? Haha!

So let’s get into what I mean by comparing these two women.

The Proverbs 31 woman (she’s got it all together) simultaneously encourages and intimidates me… but the Proverbs 21 woman? Ha! I grit my teeth a little to admit this, but she sure reminds me of… ME, especially in my first year of marriage! (Sorry, honey!)

I’ve grown since that difficult learning curve –  from being a college student *with a killer case of Mononucleosis!* and planning my wedding to being a homemaker, wife, and having a full-time career. It was a jump that I don’t think anyone could have been prepared for… it’s a lesson that most people can’t really learn the easy way. I think the first year of marriage is difficult for a lot of people.

I do feel that I understand the Proverbs 31 woman better than ever- after all, her list of achievements isn’t a daily occurrence but more of a highlight reel – but if you’re just like me 4 years ago, stuck in a frustrating marriage and feeling like no one can hear you? (Me and my husband’s communication skills have changed a lot for the better, I’ll keep thinking about how to summarize those marriage-saving tips for a future post) but until then…

Check out this list I compiled to help summarize the lessons I learned THE extremely hard way.

The qualities of the Proverbs 21 woman:

The Proverbs 21 woman complains

The Proverbs 21 woman is argumentative 

The Proverbs 21 woman is NOT fun to live with

The Proverbs 21 woman feels stuck

The Proverbs 21 woman doesn’t communicate well

The Proverbs 21 woman is dealing with conflict in the WRONG WAY

Compare that to the consistent qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman.

The Proverbs 31 woman is trustworthy

The Proverbs 31 woman works hard

The Proverbs 31 woman helps the poor and needy

The Proverbs 31 woman holds her tongue

The Proverbs 31 woman gives instructions with kindness

Proverbs 21 is the default

It is VERY important for me to note that the Proverbs 21 woman is extremely common. 

As in 100% of all women for all time.

At one time, in the Garden of Eden, Eve was the perfect Proverbs 31 woman, 24/7.

Then Eve was lied to and she fell for that lie. The first human sin allowed for all of humanity to sin- and separate us from God.

God the Father made a way for us to get back in communion with Him, through God the Son. He defeated death and death’s cause- sin, by being the first human (he was 100% human and 100% God simultaneously) to never sin and to bring Himself back to life.

So when you accept these facts and get back in communion with God- God the Father gives you God the Holy Spirit to live inside you. (Even writing that gives me chills.)

The Holy Spirit makes it possible for you to live out Christ’s instructions. The Bible’s instructions. Including Proverbs 31.

From 21 to 31… It’s Definitely Gradual

I’m working through the Holy Spirit to become a woman who is glorifying to God in every way. Especially my marriage. As a Pastor’s wife, my husband and I are watched by a wondering world. Can I live up to the hype of the Proverbs 31 woman? Only through the Holy Spirit.  

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” -2 Corinthians 3:18

Check out these articles about how to be a Proverbs 31 woman!

How To Be A Good Mom- The Bible’s Definition

How To Get The Most Out of Your Bible Study Time

The Lost Art of Speaking Softly

7 Prayers (straight from the Bible) that EVERY parent should say for their kids

How To Hear God’s Voice Today – 6 Practical Tips

What do you think?

Do you find the Proverbs 21 woman relatable?

Do you find the Proverbs 31 woman intimidating?

What is your favorite quality of the Proverbs 31 woman?

15 thoughts on “Are You A Proverbs 21 Woman?”

  1. Great post – and I love your blog. I’m going to check out a few related article that speak to me. I realized reading this that while I’m very far from perfect and have perhaps regressed in many ways, I’ve also improved in many ways as well. It’s a never ending process.

    1. Yes! Everyone is a Proverbs 21 woman… but it takes a wise woman to see that and want to make improvements through the Holy Spirit.

  2. I love this! I’ve never seen the two side by side. I know I show a lot of the proverbs 21 woman qualities, but with God’s grace I’m working on becoming more like the proverbs 31 woman!

  3. This is great! You always hear about the Proverbs 31 woman, and I admit, she can be intimidating. More often than not, we identify with the Proverbs 21. It is truly a fallen world! But we should always strive to give that extra 10 to make it to 31! Great post!

  4. Haha! We really did write about the Proverbs 31 woman in the same weak! Isn’t this the second time our blogs have been in sync without us planning it?

    Anyways! Great post. I love how you laid out the characteristics of both the Proverbs 21 and 31 women.

  5. I totally thought this was a typo, haha, but this is so true and I can totally relate. I was more of a proverbs 21 women early in my marriage too. Thank you, Jesus, for maturing my faith over the years to become more like Him and less like myself (my flesh).
    xo, Nicole

  6. Whoa!! I love how you contrasted these two chapters! I never would have thought to put them side by side like that. I love how much I can learn through my blogging ladies!! Thanks, Sarah!

  7. Love this! I pinned this yesterday and had to come back and read it today. I have to admit I giggled a bit about the Proverbs 21 woman. 🙂

    Have a lovely day!

  8. This is amazing. Thank you for this post. I have been praying for knowledge and the wisdom to explain nearly EVERYTHING in this post to my little 7 year old daughter AND myself. Prayer is so so powerful. She does this and has already witnessed the blessings that have come down❤
    Life is such a precious gift and God is using you in ways you don’t even know! Thank you again for your shared faith through this post the will of His being done by you, the encouragement and the wonderful enlightenment just dancing from word to word.


    1. Thank you for your feedback, Cyria! I’m so glad that you are passing your faith down to your 7-year-old daughter! I just said a prayer for you and hope that you find more encouragement from me as well as from other Christian resources! 🙂

      Sarah Liberty

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